“I was only joking”
Those words echo in classrooms across the world. A student stands, cheeks flushed, eyes wide, insisting that what they said, or what was said to them, was harmless. Banter, they claim, is all in good fun. But what if it is not? What if what begins as playful teasing crosses a line into something hurtful and harmful?
The Thin Line Between Banter and Bullying
Banter is often defined as light-hearted, friendly teasing. It can help children bond, learn social cues, and develop humour. Yet, when one person laughs while another feels embarrassed, excluded, or upset, the playful banter has shifted.
Antibullying Alliance defines Bullying as : The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online. While banter may be occasional and mutual, bullying is often persistent and one-sided.
Some signs that banter has crossed the line include:
- Discomfort or distress to the recipient. They feel feels upset, anxious, or unsafe.
- Power imbalance where one child consistently targets another who is less able to respond or defend themselves.
- Repetitive hurtful remarks or actions happen more than once.
- Jokes or teasing that result in someone feeling left out or humiliated.
Why Children Confuse Banter and Bullying
Children, especially younger ones, may struggle to recognise when teasing turns hurtful. Peer pressure, the desire to fit in, and social hierarchies can make it difficult to speak up. Many children also lack the vocabulary or confidence to express their feelings, leading to misunderstandings where “banter” is dismissed even when it causes harm.
Equipping Children With Skills
So, how do we help children understand when banter has gone too far?
- Teach Emotional Literacy: Encourage children to recognise and name their feelings. Simple check-ins like “How did that make you feel?” help them identify discomfort before it escalates.
- Discuss Intent vs. Impact: Teach children that good intentions do not always equate to harmless outcomes. Even playful jokes can hurt, and it is the impact that matters.
- Role-Playing and Scenarios: Use classroom or home scenarios to practice responses. Ask children how they would react if teasing feels uncomfortable, and explore assertive ways to communicate boundaries.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space where children can share experiences without fear of judgement. Listening actively and validating their feelings reinforces that their emotions matter.
- Encourage Defenders: Teach children that defenders play a key role. Standing up, reporting, or simply checking in on someone can prevent harm and cultivate a culture of care.
- Sign up children for our Antibullying Ambassadors Programme where they will learn the skills and knowledge needed to become effective peer supporters, mediators, and ambassadors against bullying.
In conclusion, banter can be a way to handle social interactions. However, when laughter comes at someone’s expense, the line has been crossed. We can help children recognise the difference between harmless teasing and harmful bullying, because at the end of the day, laughter should never come at the cost of someone’s dignity or safety.
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